Good day to you!
I find it so common to be concerned about what others think of us, to seek approval, and to "look good". Sometimes this happens consciously, sometimes unconsciously. Does this happen to you? It can be the cause for a subtle, underlying ripple of stress; or it can create outright suffering.
I find it so common to be concerned about what others think of us, to seek approval, and to "look good". Sometimes this happens consciously, sometimes unconsciously. Does this happen to you? It can be the cause for a subtle, underlying ripple of stress; or it can create outright suffering.
In my last blog, I suggested that we have innate strategies for survival. Along that line, I believe this propensity to want to be liked and have others' approval is also an outdated survival strategy. In way, way, way earlier times, when we lived in isolated areas in a single clan or tribe, it most likely was really important for survival not be outcast from the community. You literally might have been left on your own.
But is this truly the case today; or are you just imagining it to be the case without further inquiry? Personally, I think it's just another outdated thought "virus". We now have a multitude of groups, people and contexts through which we can find belonging. In fact, we have so many options now, we can be selective!
If you still feel challenged by this, it's only a symptom of limiting beliefs and stories (more thought "viruses") that you're holding onto.
But is this truly the case today; or are you just imagining it to be the case without further inquiry? Personally, I think it's just another outdated thought "virus". We now have a multitude of groups, people and contexts through which we can find belonging. In fact, we have so many options now, we can be selective!
If you still feel challenged by this, it's only a symptom of limiting beliefs and stories (more thought "viruses") that you're holding onto.
When I was in elementary school, I was always the last one picked for the teams. At least that's my memory of it. Back then, the meaning I attached to that recurrence was that I wasn't likeable or good enough. Naturally, this negatively impacted me for years!
Now I know differently. It didn't mean anything other than I wasn't perceived as competent at that particular game. And, I wasn't! AND, I didn't even like to play! I preferred other forms of fun.
Now I know differently. It didn't mean anything other than I wasn't perceived as competent at that particular game. And, I wasn't! AND, I didn't even like to play! I preferred other forms of fun.
New Possibilities for YOU!
There's a saying now, "Get in where you fit in." Maybe in school we didn't have a choice about whether we played kickball, or not; but now we do. Knowing what you know now, you can hold your center and your sense of value, and ask, "Who's a match for me?" YOU get to do the picking and approving!
When the concern for looking good or getting approval kicks in, ask yourself if this is appropriate given the context it's in. For the sake of what do you have this concern? Is it really necessary? Maybe at work it's appropriate in very particular ways. What specifically are people counting on you for? What do they need of you? If it's an ongoing struggle to fit in there, maybe it's not the best place for you. Believe that it's possible to find a new job or department that's a better fit; and proceed to do so.
Are there other groups that you're kinda stuck with that aren't really a match for you? Instead of thinking of it as a whole, perhaps there are at least some individuals you can connect with on some level.
Life is not a reality show. There are very few situations in which people have the right to judge you. You don't have to give them that permission. Focus on all the ways you're wonderful and on what YOU like in the people in your life; and you will find each other.
Have fun!
Ann
There's a saying now, "Get in where you fit in." Maybe in school we didn't have a choice about whether we played kickball, or not; but now we do. Knowing what you know now, you can hold your center and your sense of value, and ask, "Who's a match for me?" YOU get to do the picking and approving!
When the concern for looking good or getting approval kicks in, ask yourself if this is appropriate given the context it's in. For the sake of what do you have this concern? Is it really necessary? Maybe at work it's appropriate in very particular ways. What specifically are people counting on you for? What do they need of you? If it's an ongoing struggle to fit in there, maybe it's not the best place for you. Believe that it's possible to find a new job or department that's a better fit; and proceed to do so.
Are there other groups that you're kinda stuck with that aren't really a match for you? Instead of thinking of it as a whole, perhaps there are at least some individuals you can connect with on some level.
Life is not a reality show. There are very few situations in which people have the right to judge you. You don't have to give them that permission. Focus on all the ways you're wonderful and on what YOU like in the people in your life; and you will find each other.
Have fun!
Ann
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